It’s about 5am right now. And I was watching extra on TV and had a moment of enlightenment as I was reflecting on my day and how I can do things better when the next opportunity presents itself.

I thought about a different way of communicating. For example, I have Mars in my 1st house. And when I speak I sound angry and like there’s a problem. There isn’t. So I want to focus more on breathing techniques and Mantra’s before I have a speaking engagement.

I also notice that I unintentionally take the spotlight off of other people. I never notice it until after I reflect. I want to work on playing a more supportive role when I’m invited to speaking engagements. So I just have to be more conscious of myself.

Nevertheless, while reflecting, I had a moment of revelation. I can say that this season where mercury is in Libra, I’ve been getting new insights, the truth, and things that I ignored, came back up.

As I have written in a previous blog, my mother was jealous of me. And to this day she still is. When I was a child/teenager it was easy for her to hide it. I knew nothing about life, and was naive on top of that. Once I reached my 30’s she couldn’t hide it and abuse me at the same time. She knew I was old enough to figure it out. Today, when that jealous spirit stir up in her heart, she controls it. Mostly because she knows the consequences. And in my opinion, she’s lucky I even speak to her.

So, the realization is this. While I was a teenage single parent, I had 4 siblings younger than me. Meanwhile, my mother was a crackhead.

She did not send her kids to school and because they missed too many days, the school called child protective services on her. While I had my baby, my brothers were in the house while my mother was out smoking crack.

CPS and the police showed up at the door. I answered the door and when I saw them, I didn’t know what to do or say. They took my siblings out of the home. Once my mother got back to the house, she was shocked that her kids were gone. But part of me always wondered was she hurt about her kids, or was it the money from the welfare system that she would miss.

Well, my mother blamed me for her not having her kids, my siblings. She blamed me cause I was in the house and opened the door. She never took accountability for leaving her teenage daughter with a baby and 4 small kids in the house while she got high. I was her in house baby sitter for her kids. And that wasn’t right for her to do.

I remember she would be gone for days at a time. And I wouldn’t know if she was dead or alive. I would feed my brothers, get them dressed for school and kept quiet so no one would know. And my mother would walk back into the house as if nothing had ever happened . No explanation, no apology, nothing. She got use to me taking on her responsibilities. But God got tired of her and took those responsibilities away from her. And her income from dss.

And she resented me for her consequences. That’s what made her pursue me like an enemy from the streets.

That’s when she tried her hardest to have my son taken away from me. And God kept blocking her until He got tired of her and sent her to jail.

(See previous blog for that story)

Since all of the wiles didn’t work, that’s when she focused on my son. She went and told my son lies about me and his dad. And she focused on money. I think she sensed that’s what my son wanted and manipulated his mind. The same way she did me. She use to mind fuck me, on purpose. She wanted to destroy my life, my self esteem, break my strength, and my heart. She wanted my son taken away from me. So when she manipulated his mind about money I never had. And that seed was the seed of division between my son and I. She got what she always aimed for. But not without consequences.

Even though we hadn’t spoken in over 10 years, one of my brothers treats her the way my son would treat me if we spoke. My brother only speaks to her because she spends money. In his heart, that’s not his mother, he has no respect for her, he doesn’t care and he’s only around for what he can get. Now, if I did the same thing with my son, I would be buying a relationship with a kid who really don’t like me. Yea… I’d rather keep my money!

Until he’s apologetic, and acknowledges the sacrifices I made for him, we will never have a relationship. And I’m at peace with that.

I also think my mother is looking for reconciliation with her kids and grandkids because she realizes how she looks in the eyes of her husband. But like I said, until she deals with those generational spirits, nothing will change. Nor AM I going to take on her responsibility.

I can say, the best thing that she could have ever done was give me her parents land. That’s the best apology for her bad parenting

You see, the land I inherited is ancestral land. Here is where I connect with my lineage.

And for some reason, “the powers that be” want to separate people as much as possible from God. I’m not 100% sure about this. But I’m thinking those powers need a blood ritual or sacrifice, and that would take a lot of blood to accomplish their goal. I think that because there’s such a focus on the ability to change the dna coding. So I asked myself why? What do they want cause it’s not about money or power at this point.

So, as long as I connect with this ancestral land, I expect for all to be well. At least for my life time.

Between blood, the removal of God, and deceit, there has to be a bigger picture here

I’m very curious to see what the U.S. Pluto return will bring. And I’m curious to see what will manifest when. Jupiter and Neptune goes into Pisces… This may end up being a super long blog lol.

Cosmic fade ✌🤙