My mother ended up going to jail for a few years. And I hate to say it but jail was the best thing for her and me. She was able to stay clean of drugs, and I was able to get the space I needed to sort my life out, and figure out my mental health issues. I was able to get away from the kid father, keep fake friends away, and unwind. For once in my life. My mother and I had a very toxic relationship. She had her own crazy that she never, even to this day dealt with. She tried to get me to smoke crack. And when I wouldn’t do it, she got mad and tried to get my enemies to fight me. Can you imagine how that made the both of us look to outsiders? My mother was also jealous of me. She knew I was gullible, yet would make it far in life. And she never wanted me to exceed her in life. She used my kid, his abusive father, and my enemies to control me. She would just pick fights and embarrass me in front of anyone, just because she saw I was happy. She would steal my son’s clothes and toys, and sell them just so she could get high off crack. She would steal my whole paycheck after I got the cash, and would help me look for the money knowing that she stole it from me. I had to borrow money to get back and forth to work for the week and to buy diapers for my kid. I kept my money on me, and when I was in the shower she would sneak in the bathroom and steal my pay. I then had to put my money in a ziplock bag and have it in the shower with me. Literally. I remember I saved her ass from going to jail when I was pregnant. The police raided the apartment and she had drugs on her. She knew I was gullible enough to take the hit. She told me to take the drugs from off of her. And I did, and she knew I would be the one going to jail for it. She clearly did not care. And after I took it, she tried to provoke my pregnant self into being hysterical. She wanted to take the attention off of her on on to me. She whispered in my ear, very low so the police couldn’t hear her. “I never told you I loved you or wrapped my arms around you”. And it was true. She purposely wanted to hurt me. To the core. She wanted me to flip out so the cops attention would be on me and not her. She planned throwing me under the bus to save herself. I cried quietly and the female police officer thought I was having labor pains. She pulled me aside, I handed her the drugs. I went along with what the police officer suggested and went to the hospital. I was never charged with drugs, nor did I get arrested. I remember the lady looking at me and feeling very sorry for me. I could tell she wanted to help me, but couldn’t. God was faithful to me. While my mother set me up for a downfall, God had other plans for me. My mother never went to jail because of me. And I never went to jail because of God. Between my mother’s abuse and abandonment, and the baby father’s abuse and manipulation, I didn’t know if I was coming or going. But once I was old enough to go that’s exactly what I did. I left. And rightfully so. By the time I was 18 years old, I got my first apartment. And that was because I had to be 18 by law. Fast forward about a decade, and my mother went to jail for drug possession. It even made the newspaper! I kid you not! All of the things my mother did and got away with all caught up to her. And all I could think of is how many times she picked fights with me cause she wanted money to buy crack. She even tried to get me to smoke crack. And when that didn’t work she tried to manipulate me into financially supporting her crack habit. She could have gotten a man that was a crackhead just like her so she’d have something in common with someone. But she didn’t do that. She was fixated solely on me. She knew I was young, pretty, and could get things from drug dealers so she could get high. But she needed me to be addicted to crack so I’d do anything for another hit. She was more than willing to turn me out and turn me into a trick hoe just so she could get all the free drugs she wanted. And when she realized she couldn’t manipulate me, directly or indirectly, she was mad. But God… she paid for it by going to jail and not having any contact with me. What little bit she had, she lost that too. She experienced many losses. But that’s because she gave up. On herself. Instead of her teaching me how to be a parent, and how to be a wife, she wanted to make me a crack head for her benefit instead. But God…